Becky Johnson, a new mom from Milwaukee, is the company’s first Chief Worrying Officer — MILWAUKEE, WI. — In a move that sent shock waves through the insurance world Thursday, the executive board of Geico Insurance Company unanimously voted to fire long-time CEO Michael L. Tipsord and replace him with a Milwaukee-area mother whose baby has a fever right now. Becky Johnson, a self-proclaimed “professional…

I’d like to put my name in the hat to maybe be your mom. — Dear Patrick, Iunderstand you’re currently considering a variety of potential candidates for the position of Your Mother. As you peer down from the ether, watching us go about our daily lives, you need to decide which prospective mother is meant to be your mom. …

You’re in Vietnam, Google Translate doesn’t work, and only the men speak English. Aaaaand……go! — The mission: You have less than 24 hours to find a salon or an individual to give you a bikini wax (preferably with hard wax, because we all know what a disaster crappy Sally Hansen wax can be). “It’s too easy!” you say. “There’s a place right down the street!”…

Sorry I’m such a self-absorbed f*ck. — Hey. Today I realized that I’ve totally become that friend, haven’t I? Or worse, maybe I’ve been that friend all along. We rarely see each other anymore. You probably need me now like you’ve needed me before, and true to form, I’m MIA. In my defense, it’s not that you’re…

“Before you preach, try pushing a watermelon through an opening the size of a peach.” — I got a newborn. You wanna step to me? I got a newborn, how long can YOU go without sleep? I got a newborn, so before you preach Try pushing a watermelon through an opening the size of a peach. This kid is crying and he’s screaming and he won’t…